Well + Being Holistic Mental Health
“Emotional Health & Wellness Tips From The Therapy Couch And Other Places”
The Unique Challenges Of High-Functioning Couples In Couple Counseling
Marriage and couple therapy enjoys a high success rate for couples who want to improve their relationships, and New York City has some of the most intelligent, talented and high-performing people in the world. They also bring to relationship counseling unique challenges and struggles. Successful individuals tend to be independent, highly-focused and self-sufficient. These individuals are accustomed to handling their problems on their own and require a high degree of autonomy. They are also not immune to struggling with anxiety, depression and relationship problems. Sometimes their lives look ideal from the outside, and yet they struggle greatly. You may be tempted to idealize the successful couples that you know, imagining that they have it all figured out. I can tell you that as an experienced New York City couple therapist, the high-functioning couples that I encounter have their own unique challenges that bring them to couple counseling. Mostly, these couples grapple with navigating conflicts, balancing individual with couple needs, communication issues and maintaining intimacy. Of course there are other challenges that successful high-functioning couples face, so let’s have a closer look.
How Somatic Therapy & Parts Work Can Address Addictive States
Individuals struggling with addiction have many holistic and evidence-based therapies to help them heal the root cause of their addictions. Some valuable treatment options to address addictive states includes: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Motivational Interviewing (MI), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), as just a few examples. There are other modalities that can be equally as effective with addiction. Therapists trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS), sometimes known as parts work, can attest to the importance of offering this valuable approach in the treatment of addiction.
Parts Work Therapy, also known as Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, is a therapeutic approach that helps individuals explore and understand their inner thoughts, feelings, and behaviors by viewing the mind as a collection of different "parts." These parts represent different aspects of a person's personality and can be in conflict with each other.
Coping With Relationship Heartbreak
Breakups are painful. The reasons for the relationship split seem to matter less than the fact that your world has changed and all kinds of uncomfortable feelings and emotions are being activated. You can learn from this experience and come through it wiser and stronger, and hopefully, with a heart open enough to receive love and hope for the future.
Even though the relationship no longer works, why do breakups hurt so much? When marriages or relationships end, it is not just about grieving the loss of the connection, but the end of shared hopes and dreams. Hope is an important aspect of early romantic relationships. Couples mourn the hope for the future as well as the commitment of shared goals and dreams.
Other important losses include one's identity, physical and sexual intimacy, shared hobbies and interests, relationships with friends and extended family, a physical move or the sale of a home, financial stability, individual and shared responsibilities, and if children are involved, a significant disruption in their lives.
Healing Addiction With Counseling
Struggling with addiction or substance abuse/misuse is a common reason people reach out for therapy. Addiction is a disease that affects a person's brain and behavior and typically leads to an inability to control the use of a substance or behavior which always has consequences. When you are addicted, you may continue using the drug, device or behavior despite the harm it causes to your work, relationships and emotional and physical health.
What is addiction and substance abuse? Substance abuse disorder is a complex brain disease that causes you to compulsively seek out and use alcohol, drugs and addictive behaviors despite dangerous and harmful consequences. Substance abuse disorder and addiction causes distorted thoughts, behaviors, and body function. There is a genetic component
Substance abuse and addiction causes symptoms and behaviors including:
Feeling a need or urge to use the substance or engage in the behavior regularly
Needing more and more of the substance or behavior to feel the effects
Time spent ensuring that you have a steady supply of the substance or spending money you don’t have on the substance or behavior
Failing to meet your personal and professional obligations and responsibilities
Experiencing withdrawal symptoms
You feel a worsening of your cognition, with impaired decision-making and memory
You may do things you would not normally do or later regret acquiring the substance
Therapy Or Coaching: Choosing The Best Fit For You
Let’s begin with therapy. What is therapy?
Therapy, also known as counseling and psychotherapy, is a short-term or longer-term process in which a patient or client works with a licensed mental health professional to resolve problem beliefs, patterns, feelings, behaviors and relational patterns. Therapy tends to focus on past traumas, experiences and issues that are interfering with one’s sense of self and life-satisfaction. Therapy guides patients through the process of self-discovery, uncovering the internal conflicts and dynamics that keep them from having a more satisfying, meaningful and successful life.
Yes, personal coaches and therapists tend to help clients with similar problems, their work is not the same.
What is life coaching?
In life coaching, a client works with a coach who may or may not be a healthcare professional to clarify goals and identify barriers to success in order to create an action plan to move forward. A life coach focuses on where the client is in their life and helps them to create an action plan to work towards their goals.
The challenges that keep us stuck…
When you are feeling stuck, overwhelmed or challenged by a particular situation, or life in general, you may be considering seeking professional therapy or coaching. You have so many options now especially with online virtual therapy and coaching, and of course, helpful websites like Psychology Today, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed.
CBT, Coaching & Therapy Techniques For Changing Thoughts & Behaviors
CBT techniques are very helpful tools to be used in therapy, coaching and useful when applied to everyday life situations. What follows are some of the most common CBT techniques that I use with my therapy and coaching clients.
Journaling—This technique gathers information and data about habitual thoughts, emotions and moods. Included in journal entries can be: time of day, the source or trigger, the intensity of the feeling state and the response or action taken. You can add more helpful and adaptive coping responses that might be considered in the future.
Catastrophizing—This tendency is to go immediately to an irrational thought that something is far worse than it actually is. Catastrophizing generally takes two different forms: making a catastrophe out of a current situation or a future situation. Step one is to identify when your are doing this. Next, use your smartphone or journal to write the thoughts down throughout the day and add a corrective statement to counteract the negative belief.
Tame Your Harsh Inner Critic With Curiosity, Compassion, IFS & EMDR Therapy
Do You Have A Harsh Inner Critic That Sabotages Your Life? You don’t have to be a trauma survivor to have a harsh inner critic. The self-critical inner voice is persistent and continues to negatively judge and even sabotage dreams and aspirations. In fact, mental health challenges such as depression and anxiety can be rooted in this unhealthy self-dynamic. As anyone tormented by an unkind inner-critic knows, The near-constant flood of negative feelings and emotions linked to the inner critic can also be a great source of stress and self-sabotage.
The truth is, we all have different “parts” that make up our personality, and in ego psychology, we call these sub-personalities. These parts are part of an internal system, kind of like a family that lives within. Sounds extreme, and yet we are not talking about having multiple personalities in the same way someone with a diagnosis of a personality disorder or DID exhibits unintegrated parts (although that is considered the extreme presentation of the same continuum). Have you ever caught yourself saying, “well, part of me wants to do it, and another part says no.” How common is this? A part of you that seeks adventure leans in to the prospect, while a more cautious, protector part steps on the brake.
Getting Help For Your High-Functioning Anxiety
“Giving Up My Anxiety Will Negatively Impact My Success.” Is This You?
Like most New Yorkers, your days are busy with work, family and trying to find a way to manage and balance it all. With all that striving and the many tasks to complete, who has time to think about stress reduction or connecting with a therapist to help you manage your anxiety and mood symptoms. You may even wonder who you’d be without your drive—and your anxiety! Take away the anxiety and you’d potentially lose your edge.
You may not even consider your striving to be an anxiety response. As a therapist, we see this a lot. You haven’t crashed yet, and we would like to help you have an even better quality of life. If you haven’t yet crashed, how can you tell if your level of stress and anxiety is normal? Skillful therapy can help you recognize how your stress, anxiety and unconscious beliefs are behind your super-charged drive. If you spend any time on instagram, you’ve likely heard of high-functioning depression, as well as high-functioning anxiety.
EMDR Therapy: Effective Results As Quickly As Possible
Do you feel stuck in your life, unable to move beyond a difficult experience? Or you’ve achieved some symptom reduction in traditional therapy and are now ready to do some next-level healing? EMDR is a powerful and transforming treatment to relieve intense symptoms and suffering so you can finally heal and move forward in your life. You can also keep your therapist and do EMDR as an adjunct healing modality.
EMDR Seems Strange And Confusing, Why Is That?
It’s okay to not fully understand this remarkable therapy because even experts don’t fully understand the magic behind EMDR Treatment, or the neurobiological changes that accompany any healing therapy modality for that matter. It is a procedure with protocol and steps that need to be followed to ensure efficacy. Moving your eyes or tapping seems a bit strange, but once you begin your EMDR treatment, this will all make much more sense. EMDR is often described as a “new” therapy. It is not a new therapy and has actually been around for about thirty years. I’ve been practicing EMDR for a very long time now and I continue to be wowed by this modality, especially when other forms of treatment are woven into EMDR sessions.
Healing Traumatic Stress & Loss With Self-Care
Whether you're struggling to manage challenging life events, a trauma or accident, loss and grief or any kind of transition that causes you distress or destabilization, it's helpful to understand that your feelings, emotions and behaviors are a normal reaction to extreme and/or disturbing events. As a NYC psychotherapist who uses EMDR therapy, supportive work and a focus on helping clients develop healthier coping skills, I'm happy to share tips to support you as you move through difficult times, and in time, find healing and recovery.
What Helps?
Your Erotic Life And Sex Therapy
Tell me more about your erotic life, because I think it's important. As a sex-positive therapist working with couples in New York City, I am open to conventional partnerships as well as alternative lifestyles, identities, and gender expressions. Our differences are normal expressions of love. Sex and intimacy are topics that arise often during relationship counseling, and couples often wonder if it’s time to seek sexual counseling. I’ve included in this post some questions that might help you decide your path forward.
Heal Trauma And Reclaim Your Life
Traumatic experiences change the brain. Some changes are meant to protect from future negative experiences. Just as trauma changes the brain, it is possible to heal the brain. Trauma symptoms that live in the nervous system do not have to hold you in its grip forever. As you continue to think, talk, re-tell and act on your experience(s), you reinforce your attachment to what happened, as well as your brain’s wiring and connection, and this serves to maintain your symptoms as you loop on the upsetting memory and trauma responses. As a New York City based Psychotherapist, I work with individuals who have experienced trauma and would like to heal and improve their lives.
The brain and body is designed to heal. We now know that the brain has an amazing capacity to heal by creating new neural pathways. This process is called neuroplasticity. When people are finally able to regain control over their thoughts, behaviors, responses and lives, the brain's limbic system,
CBT Skills: Tips for Changing problem thoughts and behaviors
We all need a little help sometimes, even when we have awareness of our challenges and difficulties. CBT is a type of therapy that works on negative thought patterns or behaviors in an effort to recognize and restructure them. In other words, CBT can help you change how you approach a situation. CBT techniques are very helpful tools to be used in therapy and coaching and useful when applied to everyday life situations. What follows are some of the most common CBT techniques that I use with my therapy and coaching clients in my New York City Holistic Psychotherapy & Wellness Practice .
Journaling - This technique gathers information and data about habitual thoughts, emotions and moods. Included in journal entries can be: time of day, the source or trigger, the intensity of the feeling state and the response or action taken. You can add more helpful and adaptive coping responses that might be considered in the future.
Getting “Unstuck” With EMDR Therapy
As a psychotherapist and coach in Manhattan, I treat clients struggling with a range of concerns, from stress and life challenges to recovery from addictions and trauma. Many have suffered developmental trauma(s) or single incident trauma and now have symptoms of PTSD negatively impacting many aspects of their lives, including personal relationships and work.
In order to understand EMDR, one needs to be clear about how trauma can affect the brain. When an individual experiences a traumatic event or multiple traumas they may develop what is known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD as a response to the overwhelming event(s). When this occurs, the brain fails to successfully process the trauma leaving it "stuck" or "frozen" in the central nervous system. This often leads to numbness, dissociation, severe anxiety, depression, insomnia, addictions, physical complaints and an inability to experience "safety." In everyday life, in the here and now, the body fails to recognize that the person is now safe and it reacts as though the danger is current and in present time, leaving the individual in a state of emotional and physical arousal.
EMDR therapy as a treatment, is unique because it facilitates the processing of trauma information that has become "stuck" in the nervous system. The various elements of EMDR therapy serves to rewire the brain, calm the nervous system and lessen anxiety and symptoms. It "uploads" a more corrective experience, moving the client from pain and danger to "I survived," "It wasn't my fault" or "I did all that I could" as examples.
EMDR Therapy: Voice Of The Patient
If you’re curious about how EMDR psychotherapy can help you resolve trauma, negative experiences and other challenges, please enjoy this short YouTube video that includes the voices of patients who now experience freedom and hope as a result of their EMDR treatment. Not just for trauma resolution, EMDR psychotherapy is an effective treatment for a variety of concerns. You can learn more about EMDR, or find an EMDR therapist by visiting EMDRIA.
Are you wondering if EMDR Therapy is a good fit for your therapeutic needs? Whether you are new to therapy, or you’ve had experience with psychotherapy and would like to take your healing to the next level, what follows are some challenges that EMDR has been shown to successfully treat:
About Holistic Psychotherapy
Holistic Psychotherapy is beneficial for people of all ages, and it’s never too late to begin developing healthier lifestyle habits. No matter your age, mental health issues can interfere with your wellbeing throughout your lifespan. Individuals and couples enter therapy with a unique set of challenges and goals. As a holistic psychotherapist with a private practice in NYC, I specialize in helping older adolescents, adults and couples who experience struggle in their day to day lives. My focus is to help you uncover the root cause of your struggle in psychotherapy, as holistic psychotherapists believe that this is the best path forward to support your mental health recovery. Let me explain the many ways therapy can help make your life better.
Psychotherapy offers the opportunity for an individual to better understand and change patterns of behavior, feelings, and relationships that are getting in the way of your functioning. Psychotherapy offers the opportunity for an individual to understand and change patterns of behavior, feelings, and relationships that are getting in the way of higher-functioning. Good therapy can enable you to have richer, fuller and more meaningful life experiences.
What Does Holistic Psychotherapy Do?
Mental Health Challenges For Women At Perimenopause & Menopause
I just finished reading “Women Have Been Mislead About Menopause” in the New York Times. As a licensed psychotherapist with a private practice in New York City, this is one of the best articles that I have read about menopause in a very long time. Because as a psychotherapist, I see women who are menopausal, or soon to be, suffering from impactful mental health symptoms related to these hormonal changes. Of course women have other life events that may coexist with any hormonal changes, and that’s why it’s important to let a professional help you sort things out, and this can inform your counseling and wellness plan. Because, when your hormones are all over the place, unbalanced or deficient, it also makes it harder to cope with the usual demands of life. I have had my own personal experience with hormonal changes and failing ovaries, and my own ongoing journey has opened my eyes and informed my psychotherapy practice.
Did I learn about mental health and hormones in graduate school? Absolutely not. And this means that patients seeking counseling help are likely not receiving education and comprehensive care from their psychiatrists, psychologists and other mental health professionals who should be knowledgable about the impact of hormonal changes and mental health.
According to the article, about 85 percent of women experience menopausal symptoms. Rebecca Thurston, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh who studies menopause, believes that, in general, “menopausal women have been underserved — an oversight that she considers one of the great blind spots of medicine. It suggests that we have a high cultural tolerance for women’s suffering,” Thurston says. “It’s not regarded as important. Women’s symptoms are often minimized or dismissed; they are told it’s “just a natural part of aging” and they will have to learn to “deal with it.”
DBT Mind Shift: You Are Not Your Feelings
Are you someone who gives your emotions and physical sensations too much power? It's quite habitual for many to get swept up in the tide of strong feelings and emotions. Sometimes the tide rolls in without warning—fast and fierce—leaving you feeling distressed and emotionally dysregulated. The fierce and familiar nature of these emotional storms are a familiar response for you, and also confusing. Confusing because it feels like it’s happening in the here and now, and it may be to some extent, but it may also have roots in the there and then or long ago. That’s how triggers work, and that’s how one can get swept away.
Emotions can feel strong, and even overwhelm, but remember, you are NOT your emotions. To increase your self-esteem and sense of agency, notice when powerful feelings arise within you. Notice this experience and be curious about what may have triggered this in you. You can even direct your attention to your body. What do you notice? Where do you feel it? Is it okay to just notice and stay with the feeling and emotion a little longer without responding? You might typically say "I can’t do this, I'm completely overwhelmed." Try a reframe by saying "I feel completely overwhelmed." How does this simple shift help?
By understanding that "overwhelm" is a feeling, and that you can pause, tolerate, ride it out and ultimately survive, your life will improve. The tide does not need to take you down or cause destruction, you can learn the ride the wave. This technique is DBT speak for learning to “ride the wave.” Feelings are temporary states; they are transitory in nature. Feelings pass. Learn more about this important DBT distress tolerance skill surfing here. The psychological impact of this strategic shift can change your life.
Finding Balance With DBT’s Wise Mind
Wise Mind is a highly-effective core skill used Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). According to DBT, we have three states of mind: reasonable mind, emotion mind, and wise mind. Wise mind is thought of as the balance or integration of the reasonable and the emotion mind. Reasonable mind is the rational part of you, just-the-facts, thinking state of mind where you are ruled by logic. When you find yourself governed by emotion mind, your emotions are in control. You tend to be led by strong feelings and desires. Both states have their value and provide important information, but it’s easy to become stuck in one state of mind, being either cut-off from emotions or controlled by emotions. That is where wise mind becomes an important ally in your goal to have a more balanced life and state of mind.
In dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), the goal is to have wise mind available to you in situations where you are pulled to an extreme state or polarization. Wise mind is the integration or intersection of the reasonable mind and the emotion mind. Put another way, wise mind is your intuition or inner wisdom. It’s the state where you are wisely able to balance between the cool detachment of reason, and the wild current of emotion mind. Incorporating this wise mind DBT practice allows you to find balance between inaction and the active state of doing. Practicing wise mind allows you to engage in your life with awareness, with the goal of mindful presence.
Virtual EMDR Therapy: A Modern Option For Lasting Healing
If traditional talk therapy has left you feeling discouraged with your healing progress, EMDR might be the solution that finally leads to symptom reduction. Many psychotherapists who are skilled with EMDR therapy are successfully working with their patients online using virtual EMDR. Many of us discovered that we could begin or continue EMDR Therapy virtually during the pandemic.
As a specialist in trauma therapy and an advanced level II EMDR practitioner in New York City, I have been helping patients heal and address challenges through online EMDR therapy. Many feel better after just a handful of sessions and will say “why didn’t my therapist tell me about this sooner?” Not everyone is trained in EMDR, but those who practice this modality know just how effective EMDR therapy is. EMDR is most commonly known to resolve PTSD and trauma. It’s also very effective for getting to the root cause of anxiety, depression, chronic sadness, addictions, compulsions, eating disorders, fears, phobias, grief, performance enhancement, and so much more.
EMDR therapy uses a process called Bilateral Stimulation to facilitate healing. Virtual EMDR therapists help patients process trauma using self-administered BLS by tapping on the knees, butterfly hug tapping or online software that stimulates rapid eye movement such as remotEMDR. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) focuses on reducing the impact that episodic distress, anxiety, fear, depression, phobias, triggers, negative emotions and traumatic memories have on your life.